We were never meant to do it alone.

I was chatting with a sweet friend of mine tonight. She is newly married such as myself but is not yet a mama. We conversed back and forth and came to the same conclusion that as women it is vital to be surrounded by a strong group of other women. Whether you are dating, engaged, married, or mamas my heart is heavy for you. I desire nothing more than for you to know your worth, to be wrapped in love, and saturated in prayer. The bible says that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made, wonderful are His works..”. God created us so intentionally and so uniquely. His desire for us was never to be alone but to live our lives intimately devoted to Him and to be surrounded by like-minded humans doing the same thing. At times, this can be well, messy. When I was in college I really was not in the best place mentally. I was wounded, “damaged goods”, honestly a train wreck about to happen. I didn’t have many friends and I certainly was not a good friend to others. It only took a few weeks for God to get a hold of me to get the help that I desperately needed but was so hard-hearted to get. I walked into my counselor’s office, sat down, and was asked, “what brings you in today?” As I sat across from the most kind-hearted people I have ever met I responded with, “I don’t know I just know God told me to be here”. To avoid busting out the can of crazy my life had been up to that point I sat there, rolling my eyes, having an attitude, and not owning up to what I had done and strictly focused on what had been done to me for weeks. It was about eight sessions in that my heart could no longer keep up this facade that I had it all together though it was clear that I did not. My counselor asked me again, “what really brings you in today?” as tears streamed down my face I felt like God had begun healing me from things I didn’t even realize I needed healing from. During the weeks to come God really worked a miracle in my life. Ultimately, I needed someone. I needed someone to care, I needed someone to talk to, I needed someone to truly listen so that I could be heard. Between a praying Hannah, a selfless Paige, a sweet Jessie, and a couple who truly did not give up on me I am here to say that God loves you.

I have battled mental illness for as long as I can remember. It was never pretty but thankfully there is hope. I spent many days and nights stuck in what I call the “dark place” . The dark place is lonely and the lies there are loud. My dark place has been filled with tears, crying, and long periods of silence. My dark place has cost me a lot too. It has cost me jobs, my degree, friends, and relationships. I’ve been told that I am “too messed up”, that I have “too many issues”, and that I am incapable of loving and being loved. Mental illness to me often gets looked over for a few reasons too. Some of those reasons being told that it is “all in your head” or “attention seeking”, also I have even been told that it is just a reason to be put on medication. I have lost my ability to breathe and my hope that there is anything good beyond the walls of the dark place. The dark place is also isolating. It is isolating if you are single watching every one of your friends get married. It’s isolating when you desire a child so deeply but keep seeing negative signs instead of pluses. It is isolating when you are a new mom and you are birthed into this new season of life and you are not sure how to keep going. The dark place is inconsistent and it shows up when you think that you have finally gotten a hold of it all. It has been many years now but there was a time when I desired death over life. I desired to be gone more than to fill my lungs once more with breath that I felt was wasted on me. These right here are the lies that the enemy uses to take captive of your heart when the going gets tough. The enemy wants us to believe that we are nothing but wasted space. I am here to tell you that all those are, are lies. Now that I am a mama and I lay awake looking at the true miracles that God grew within me I can only imagine how difficult it was for Him to send His only Son for us. The incredible hope there is that He did! Jesus died knowing that we were incapable of being perfect. Jesus died knowing that there would be times where the lies were loud and He knew He wanted to be there for us reminding us, holding us, telling us just how loved and cherished we are by Him. So ladies, mamas, wives, sisters, daughters: you are loved, cherished, and desired by the most High. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Though we are incapable of being perfect, Christ is incapable of failing. He does not make junk, He is literally incapable of it. The lies may be loud but let the Truth of His Word be louder.

TheMessyMama